To all the incredible mothers out there, I want to extend my warmest wishes for a Happy Mother’s Day. Today is dedicated to honouring your selfless love and tireless efforts.
Whether you’re a new mom, a seasoned mom, a stepmom, or any other variation of a caregiver, this is your day. As beautifully expressed by Cha Mi-jo’s mom in Episode 8 of Thirty-Nine, “[I] checked on you and thought about you, day and night. Whether or not I was pregnant with you doesn’t really matter.” It’s a sentiment that captures the essence of maternal love, transcending biological bonds.
As a mother to two adults, I have always felt that Mother’s Day held more relevance for my own mother than it did for me. Maybe it’s because she embodied motherhood with such natural grace and ease that I often feel like I fell short in comparison.
My mother immigrated to Canada from Italy when she was in her early thirties, leaving behind her homeland in pursuit of a fresh start and to marry the love of her life. However, her journey was far from easy. Arriving in a foreign land without knowing the language and with no family nearby, she faced significant challenges. When my father was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, she not only became his primary caregiver but also shouldered the responsibility of raising three young girls.
Through it all, my mother epitomized the essence of motherhood. She was loving, patient, selfless, generous, kind and wise - everything I aspire to be.
Motherhood and Its Companion, Guilt
And there it is: The Guilt, with a capital G. The sense that I could have or should have done better as a mother.
Motherhood has always been challenging, but in today’s fast-paced world, filled with numerous demands on our time, it’s become even more so. The abundance of information and societal expectations make it hard not to compare ourselves to others. It’s as if motherhood and guilt have become inseparable companions.
In Episode 14 of The Good Bad Mother, Jin Young-soon makes the case in a posthumous letter to her son, Choi Kang-ho. She writes, “You and I were connected as mother and son. It’s such a precious bond so I wanted to become the best mom for you. But you only get one life and it was my first time being a mom, so I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough.”
Perfectly Imperfect
Like Jin Young-soon, I have been carrying this sense of guilt for a while. But now, I’m starting to see things differently. It’s time to release guilt’s hold and embrace the imperfections of motherhood, choosing self-acceptance and honouring the messy journey.
As Kang Dan-i says in Episode 4 of Romance is a Bonus Book, “I heard that the Inuit don’t need a word to express excellence. There’s no such thing as an excellent whale or an excellent polar bear. The same goes for us humans. No one can be perfect.”
Yes, I may have made mistakes and lost my patience with my children one too many times, but I have been and will continue to be their biggest supporter. I will be there for them no matter what.
Just like the mother in Episode 3 of My Demon, who, with her child in the hospital, was willing to make a self-sacrificing deal with the demon, saying, “I would go to worse places than hell if it would stop Yeon-seo’s suffering.” I would do the same.
I will take inspiration from Oh Deok-rye and even vow to watch over them after this life. As she asserts in Episode 9 of Doctor Cha, “Even after they die, mothers never leave their children’s side.”
Despite the chaos and imperfections, one undeniable truth remains: no one quite compares to a mother. In Episode 3 of The Good Bad Mother, Son Yong-rak states, “There is a saying: ‘A mother can replace anything in this world. But nothing can replace a mother.’” Great or flawed, we are indispensable. Reflecting on these words reminds me to harbor no regrets, as I accept that I did my best.
If you’re a mom, enjoy today. Celebrate your successes and relinquish any negative thoughts. If you’re fortunate to still have your mom, cherish her. Motherhood is no easy feat, and we are, after all, just people too. As a young mother reminds us in Episode 11 of Doctor Cha, “Be good to your mom. Becoming a mom is hard.”
Another great read and written from the heart💐❤️💐